I'm just a simple girl with fabulous taste in everything.
Hello, dolls. The Countess auContraire has arrived and common sense will reign again. Chances are your grandmother dropped some serious knowledge on you and you just refuse to heed her wisdom. I’m here to call you out on that shit. Remind you that standards exist for a reason whilst tearing through the frosty bottle of Stoli I keep on hand. Thanks to all the stupidity running rampant, my judgment brow is fierce and sharp and I will use it on you without impunity. Use “Babe” as a nagging term of endearment? Judgment: Shut up. Pluck your eyebrows to look like giant commas? Judgment: You look crazy and constantly surprised. Your kids acting a damn fool in the candy aisle of the grocery store? Judgment: Stop feeding them crap and gain some control.
Once you’ve woken up and smelled the screwdrivers, you’ll see that I’m just a simple girl with fabulous taste in everything. I watch Rock of Love with the same fascination as Masterpiece Classic. Nosh on salmon nigiri with the same delight as a freshly salted Wetzel’s Pretzel. The Countess knows the joys both Neiman Marcus and Target can bring to a lady who likes having pretty things about. More than anything, I like fun. Having fun while I make fun. Of you. Your stupid hat. That old man’s short shorts. You, again. It’s just how I roll.