Oh, it's on. As you know, we 'Birds are tirelessly devoted to the cause of finding a suitable Replacement for the man who shall not be named.
As if you didn't see this choice coming...
MICHAEL FASSBENDER
LOOKS: Not only does he look like he could be related to Ewan McGregor but he fills out a pair of jeans even better. He's the whole package. And speaking of packages, his package alone earn him a perfect score, plus one. No, really, if George "No One Comes Close" Clooney gives you props on what you're carrying around down there at a televised event amongst your peers, then, yes, you are automatically added to this list. If scoring were calculated per inch, we'd still wind up with this number...Score: 11
SKILLS: Though you may not have seen the handful of films he's graced us in, you should definitely take a gander at this year's Shame and A Dangerous Method; both feature him in a leading role, which is a more recent transition. He has, however, pulled some memorable performances in previous years, like last year's indie Brit drama Fishtank or in Quentin's Inglorious Basterds. I eagerly await his next round of films so that we can really see what he can do, as I'm sure his stock has gone up significantly, as he clearly has a lot of...potential. 8
INTELLIGENCE: He was smart enough to take a role like that of Brandon in Shame, both for having the balls to go full frontal (oh hells yes, that pun was intended to its full extent) but also for bringing a certain amount of depth to the character that might've otherwise been lost. This man is no dummy, but only time and his list of girlfriends will truly tell if he's got the brain to match that...brawn. 8.5
Please, sir, may I have another,
Dame Derision
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