Between all of the Soul Train dance homages that have been in full effect since Wednesday and writing checks to Planned Parenthood, I am exhausted! It's Friday though, and I am bound by fabulous honor, duty, and a legally-binding contract to implode your brains with the magic of film every other week.
I'd advise you to go fill your pretty skulls with stockpiles of film in order to keep up with us as we barb, shank, and mock our way through the next few weeks as we build up to the most overrated, media-blitz of a holiday of February. No, not Valentine's Day. That other one.
But even so, all of those films have already hit the theaters and when looking at the list for releases this weekend, there isn't one that I can, in clear conscience, recommend. Not even if I had another bottle of vodka. And with that, Cabana Boy Kevin takes his cue and with a fresh round before us, let us make some fucking haste so we can get back to some confessions on the dance floor.
SKIP: Big Miracle
Besides the hideous title and the even worse trailers for this film, it has America's favorite functioning dysfunctional, Drew Barrymore as its star. For weeks, she's been whining out of the side of her mouth, telling me that we need to save the whales. The whales that this film is all about. The whales that are absent from the trailers to tell audiences about aforementioned whales. I won't mince words, she's bat shit cray-cray and should probably just stick to producing mediocre entertainment with others like her. I just don't get it. She hasn't been cute since she was in E.T and Irreconciable Differences. I can tolerate her in The Wedding Singer because the rest of it is so fucking great, but she is consistently outshone by every supporting actor, extra and stand-in that Hollywood can put together. Instead of spending your money on seeing this film, take that same $25 and send it to an organization like this or this and really save the whales.
RENT: Pretty In Pink
If I were Andie, I'd have totally done Steph, at least through the summer after graduation! Amiright?!? Blaine should've been left at the prom. End of story.
But really, It's really just an excuse to play some Otis Redding. And it's still such a classic scene, so timeless, just like Otis.
Tryin',
Dame Derision
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