I don’t care. I don’t care about what you like, or what you don’t like. What do you read? What don’t you read? Do you read at all? I don’t care. I’m no good at statistics, but I’m thinking your opinion is probably wrong. Love that band? Oh, please. That is your favorite movie? Honey, no. Taste is lacking in this the 21st century, but that’s why I’m here. If you listen to me, you just might end up okay.
Who am I? Thanks for asking. I’m not that young, not old, and I live in a real city. I drink a lot and swear more. I am laughing at you, not with you. And if I’m not laughing? You’re not funny. Black is the best color. I never drive the speed limit. I’m an excellent judge of character, which is why I have no friends. I slept with an ugly guy just to feel alive. I love Mother Earth, but please don’t make me get too close to her. Without caffeine, I would shrivel up and die.
There are things I like, if you can believe it. I love sarcasm and camp and irony and honesty and gorgeous things. Anything English wins at the game of life (except for Mr. Bean). Dance music is as essential as oxygen, as is red nail polish.
I know what you’re thinking: Good Lord, how did this magnificent creature come to be? It is a long and hard road to Fabulous. Not for me, of course, but for you over there, yes you, the one in that Urban Outfitters scarf listening to Journey ironically, we have work to do.
I have an opinion on everything. Ask and ye shall receive.
That is all,
Madame Taunt
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